I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
