Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I could make wine with my vomit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
