and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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