Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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