Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
