so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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