Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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