My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
