Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
