i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
