I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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