i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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