well I can't set my house on fire every night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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