The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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