Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
