I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
