Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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