in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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