Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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