My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
