today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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