Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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