what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my shit smells like andre
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
