Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
