Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
