Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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