dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ok first of all what the fuck
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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