Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
