I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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