I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
