I accidentally burped into my bong.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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