just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
