im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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