So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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