I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
