I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
