that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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