so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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