Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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