So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So much rum. So many feels.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
