If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
