I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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