I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We had to coat check the pizza.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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