We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
