She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
