I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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