Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
