I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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