Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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