I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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