im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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