WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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