I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
