Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
