i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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