it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
