i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize