Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
