Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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