You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Couch. On fire.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
