I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
