i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
