Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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