My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
