do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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