i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
