How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
