i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
