saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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