so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
